When God Tests Us

Have you ever felt tested by God? Recently I feel God is testing me. I hope will not miss His grace to pass His tests, to lay hold of His grace....

It's got to do with my work - I am supporting my husband with his business and sharing some of the HR load with his partner's wife. Since 2 months ago, I handed the payroll function to her to do because I don't like the pressure of being in charge of other people's salaries. Also, since she was supposed to do the accounts, I felt it was easier for her...

The last 2 months was okay because I could do some verification. This month, she decided to bypass me and choose to liaise direct with my husband and got him to validate the payroll transaction. Being an operational person, my husband has no bandwidth to focus on the details so he just approved. That's when troubles started. Wrong value date was set and the staff ended up getting their pay a day later. A new staff did not get his salary credited on time and 2 staffs did not get their adjusted salaries as promised.

What upset me was the table was turned against me, for not telling her about the value date must be one day before actual salary date. Actually 2 months ago when I handed to her, I went to her place and painstakingly tried to explain to her but I could tell she was not really listening. She had trivialised the whole thing...was it her spirit of pride, I wonder. Easy...no sweat for her...you know? I think she failed to see that payroll is NOT difficult for me to handle but its something I chose to handover cos I knew she was more a figure person than me...

Also, it sounded like it was MY fault that she was not informed about the revised salaries for the two staffs when my husband had already passed her the confirmation letters which stated the revision without informing me. She had clearly overlooked it and just filed the letters without taking note of the salary adjustments...No word of apology was given when I asked her to look for the letters which she scanned and sent to me and my husband...

When my husband kind of reprimanded me over the phone for the "circus" that we caused, I was quite upset. I had to took very deep breaths and tell myself "Don't react. Don't react..". I should rather respond to resolve the issue. So I quickly told her to do a fund transfer as the staff had accounts with the same bank and it would be immediate. I offered to do it but you know what she said? "Too many cooks spoil the broth". Is she insinuating that I am spoiling her broth??? I got even more upset and my hands started to tremble!!! Again I had to tell myself, "Don't react...don't react...". I had to walk away from the computer just so as to cool down..

Somehow it seems God knows my struggles lately. He is so 'humorous' to show me yesterday the words of King David in Psalm 55:12-13:

If an enemy were insulting me,

I could endure it;

if a foe were raising himself against me,

I could hide from him.

But it is you, a man like myself,

my companion, my close friend,
with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship

as we walked with the throng at the house of God.

You see, this person used to be my prayer partner. She initiated the idea that we pray together to support the business and I agreed. We were diligent in the beginning but slowly she got a bit lethargic as her family was going to some problems. I tried to keep it up by going to her place to pray together and lately have also stopped. Somehow I felt no point since it seemed her heart was not really in it...

There is one more thing I have been upset with her - since early this year, I have been helping her coach her daughter in Science cos she had shared during prayer sessions together that she was having alot of problems with her daughter due to their personality clashes and she just can't teach her Science. So one day she just said, "Hey, I leave my daughter's Science to you ah" and I agreed. Now as I think back, I feel manipulated. Not only that, after term 1, she actually went behind my back and ask another mutual friend to coach her daughter because it seemed she was not satisfied that her daughter got 37.5/50 for Science only. What was that supposed to mean? I felt used and abused and betrayed...how can someone ever take another person for granted like that???

Two Sundays ago, she told me in church that her daughter said she was not confident in Science and she told he daugther, "Auntie Joo Lian got to work harder". I blew up and gave it to her. I told her I was helping her coach her daughter but the responsibility should not be all mine. And I told her to stop telling people that I give her daughter tuition cos she does not pay me. Later, when I came home and cooled down, I realised my tone was too harsh and I sms her to say sorry, you know what she said? "It's ok. I am used to you"!!! I have never felt SOOOOOO patronised!!!

I think sometimes Christians can be worse people to work with. I think at work is where all our true colours start to show. Even as a fellow Christians, we can be so quick to want to marginalise each other. It's little wonder why the world cannot buy in to our Christianity...

God have mercy on us miserable and wretched creatures....